Charity Schmarity

Sunday January 2 2005

I have never given a dime to charity. What’s the point of it? If you give a child a biscuit he will just return in a couple of days asking for another, and another. In about a week there will be ten kids begging for biscuits. It’s a cycle that never ends. Look at what’s happening in Sri Lanka for example. These people had their grass huts knocked over now they are complaining that the US isn’t giving them enough money to rebuild. How much does it cost to rebuild a grass hut anyway?

I’ve got some overgrowth in my backyard that would probably build a couple of huts. I called half a dozen or so Tsunami charities and offered to give it to them for free but they just laughed. Yet each one took my phone number and called back the next day asking for cash. I told them to go to hell.

For too long the US has rushed to the aid of countries who have been hit by tidal waves, earthquakes and landslides. Now they expect us to bail them out when ever they piss off Mother Nature. Where were the Indonesians when four hurricanes pummeled Florida last year? I don’t think they even called.

I decided that if I was going to give to a charity it would have be to the people of Florida. I called the Governors office and asked what I could do to help. The guy on the phone said that they could use building supplies and/or cash. I asked what they needed the cash for and he told me to cover the administrative costs of providing building supplies to victims. I told him I can't do any cash but I've got some overgrowth in my back yard that would probably build a couple of huts. He took down my phone number but never called me back.

I saw a guy standing on the side of the road holding a sign: Hungry Viet Nam Vet Will Work For Food . I reasoned that if I could take some building materials to Florida and give it to the victims myself not only would I be doing something charitable for the first time in my life but I would be saving the state of Florida administration costs and I would feed a homeless vet for a day. It was a win-win-win situation. Isn't that's the way charity should work? I pulled over and explained to the homeless vet that I had some overgrowth in my back yard and I would like to PAY him to cut it down. He just looked at me as if I was crazy and said “Can’t you just give me a couple of bucks?” I told him to go to hell.

It was then that I concluded no one really wants the charity, they just want the cash. One of the problems with giving people cash is that it gets wasted. For thirty-five cents per day you can feed a child in Ethiopia and keep three guys in Armani suits, driving BMW's. I decided that I might get more satisfaction by getting some charity instead.

I drove downtown and found where there were twenty or thirty people standing in a soup line. I assumed it must be meal time so I got in line too. I patiently waited as the line progressed. When I reached the end I was amazed. It was a better selection than Golden Coral. I filled my plate three times. When I had finished eating and was about to leave, a man in an expensive looking suit approached me. I guess that he recognized that I was not homeless by my attire. He calmly said “Sir that will be $7.95 for the buffet." I told him to go to hell. He actually had the nerve to call the police and have me arrested. Needless to say I am right back where I started. Charity Schmarity. It's all a racket. What gives a homeless man the right to eat free and not a hard working productive member of society such as myself? Where do we draw the line between who needs and who doesn’t? Between who pays and who doesn’t? I am not a stingy man but I’ll be damned if I’ll give anyone any of my money.

We, as a nation, need to break the cycle of dependency. If everyone in the United States would just stop giving to all charities, foreign and domestic, in just a few years the weak among us will die and the strong will rule the world. Isn’t that the way it should be?

Copyright © 2005 Quaid Davis. All rights reserved.