Happy Days

Tuesday November 25th 2008

Where my personal life is concerned, it has been a great month. My probation officer and I are getting along great and the sex is nothing short of amazing. In order to protect her privacy I will just call her Shenaynay.

Last night Shenaynay showed up at my door clad in nothing but a raincoat and flip-flops. She had with her a DVD of extremely disturbing Swedish porn that she had recently bought on-line, three pairs of handcuffs, a sleazy Mexican prostitute, a bag of balloons, two gerbils, a bucket of chicken, and a bottle of hand lotion but that's another story.

What I really want to talk about is the 2008 elections. At last the evil right wing hate machine has been defeated. It is a new day in America. Not only were Cheney and Bush served a long overdue eviction notice but the balance of power in the house and senate has been restored to something resembling a democracy. The wisdom of the American people has prevailed over the onslaught of fear and loathing by those rifle-toting, bible-thumping bigots and smear merchants known as Republicans.

They tried their very best to “swiftboat” Barak Obama just like they did John Kerry back in 2004 but this time, it just wouldn’t stick. They attempted to disenfranchise democratic voters through lawsuits and intimidation but the respondents would not be shaken. in Indiana they even tried driving around a giant John Kerry waffle head (painted brown of course) which they used to confuse voters in Ohio during the 2004 elections by announcing over a loud speaker "Republicans vote on Tuesday" and "Democrats vote on Wednesday" but voters weren't falling for those dirty tricks again.

Mean spirited Republicans even flattened the tires of several buses the democrats had arranged to take elderly voters to the polls in Florida. Though this despicable and malevolent tactic worked well in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, the Democrats were standing at the ready with back up buses so that not one single citizen in Florida would be denied the opportunity to vote for Barak Obama.

In the final days of the campaign as the conservative war mongering talk radio sleaze jockeys were yammering away about Obama's alleged association with William Ayers, the electorate was standing in long lines at polling places across America casting early votes for hope and change. I personally voted for Barak 13 times.

Though it is time to celebrate the arrival of the messengers of hope and change to the white house, it is also time to stand up and do what we must all do as Americans to support this great New Deal that is upon us. I made a list of five positive and negative effects of the election of Barak Obama.

Positives:

1. Free health care for everyone
2. The end of poverty and homelessness.
3. A more environmentally friendly government
4. Higher taxes on greedy corporations
5. The end of wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (and everywhere where war is waged in the name of freedom)
6. We will at long last become friends with Cuba, North Korea, Iran, France, and Venezuela.
7. Awesome Cabinet and Judiciary Appointments such as:
Hillary Clinton on the Supreme Court (Chief Justice Hopefully)
Jimmy Carter as Secretary of State
Bill Clinton as Attorney General (Alberto Gonzalez in prison)
Madeline Albright UN Ambassador
John Kerry Secretary of the Interior
Barney Franks Secretary of the Treasury
Dennis Kucinich Secretary of Defense
Howard Dean Secretary of Homeland Security
8. Guantanamo Closed for Business
9. Joe Biden can now afford to finish the hair plug procedure he began 20 years ago.

Negatives:

1. Joe Biden no longer riding Amtrak
2. Chances of a Dick Cheney shooting spree increases by a factor of 10

I couldn’t think of any more negatives so 2 will have to suffice. On a personal note, I no longer need to worry about paying my rent or putting gas in my car. I can finally rest at night knowing my investments are safe from the Republican money grubbers on Wall Street.

All Hail Obama

QD

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